it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
