the day after is always just damage control
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
