Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
