i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
