it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
