I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
