shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
that is very illegal...i love you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
