so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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