dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
