And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
