Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
