I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
