Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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