I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
