he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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