Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
