There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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