I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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