I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
