i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
