my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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