I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
