found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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