we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's never too late to be topless.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
