He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
