Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
