I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
