Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
