i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The air was thick with penises
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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