Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
