Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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