ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
