My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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