i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
