Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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