Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just invented taco cereal.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
