You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
