We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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