I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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