Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
