I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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