pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
