I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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