Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
