my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and she was petting her beer can
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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