I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
