You're a womanizer and a bitch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
