nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
