Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
