There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
