i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
