You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
